


This is a story for the evening

by AlaMa



Category: Granblue Fantasy (Video Game)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Asphyxiation, Biting, Bittersweet, Crying, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Mild Blood, Misunderstandings, Mixed feelings, Non-Consensual Violence, Oblivious, Rape, Scratching, Self-Hatred, Sexual Assault, Unrequited Love, face hitting, it isn't exactly a reader insert but rather my Djeeta insert, it's extremely self-indulgent so take it with some grains of salt, it's so vague it can basically pass as m/m as well, more con-y later, others appear for a little while, the violence is more graphic than the rape honestly lol, this is my love letter to Sandalphon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:34:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23585455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlaMa/pseuds/AlaMa
Summary: You loved Sandalphon, you always did but you were too shy to admit it, yet what he felt towards you was... Different, darker than you could ever imagine.Maybe, maybe if you had confessed to him sooner, things wouldn't have to end up like this...
Relationships: Djeeta/Sandalphon (Granblue Fantasy), Sandalphon (Granblue Fantasy)/Reader
Kudos: 23





	This is a story for the evening

**Author's Note:**

> This was my personal experiment on Sandalphon's psychology, when I came up with it I thought "ah, this is so tragic because it could actually happen" and that's why I wrote it. This is just what I ended up with, I do hope that you enjoy it?
> 
> After things started getting rough I begun listening to various remixes of touhou 11's theme "Satori maiden ~ 3rd eye", especially MAMA PURITY's 140 BPM Remix, which I believe GREATLY helped setting the mood, I have completely associated that melody with this fic, so I encourage you to check it out after you reach the middle if it's not too much effort, please? ( • ̀ω•́ )✧

This is a story for the evening.  
Today was an average day, not particularly good nor especially bad, kind of tiring there and there, you sat outside on the dock observing the sun being lost in the clouds more and more by the second signaling the end of yet another day, another day in your long, long quest. Most people were gone aside from the one steering, probably in their rooms, you stayed there til the sun was fully replaced by the darkness, soon enough bringing a chill along with it, you waved your goodbyes to Rackam and walked downstairs.  
Walking along the corridors, you spotted a dark figure not too far away from your room about to disappear in the corner, you weren't sure if you should call out to him or not, but at the last second you noticed a very strained, gloomy expression which made it come out almost automatically, your kindness be damned.  
"Ah, Sandalphon-..."  
Said man took a small step back and turned around to face you, his expression changing to a slightly better, not as depressed look. You noticed that he had dark bags under his eyes, betraying either exhaustion or lack of sleep, likely both.  
"... It's you."  
_Do you really have to say that every time I join your vision?_  
Okay, you caught his attention, but what now?  
"... I think, I haven't seen you in some days now."  
Thinking about it, you really hadn't.  
"What about it?"  
"I was wondering if there's something bothering you?"  
"What's it to you?"  
"Well um, I was just worrying..."  
He looked down at the floor for a bit before going back to normal.  
"Do you really have to ask?"  
For a moment it sounded as if he was being mean but then it hit you that he has all sorts of different things weighing on his mind, so something not bothering him would be odd.  
"Ah, I mean... I guess there is but, I meant, you can tell me."  
"Tell you what?"  
" -um, the things bothering you, I mean... If you need to talk, that is."  
He stared at you expressionless for a while.  
"Why?"  
"Why... What?"  
"Why would I want to talk to you?"  
"Because... Some times talking about... Oh I dunno, if you don't want to that's alright, I'm just saying that if you ever want to let it out you can... Come to me, just saying."  
You tried laughing to shake off the heavy cloud that was starting to form around you, probably because this conversation was starting to feel silly.  
"Hm... Why do you care?"  
_Eh...?... What kind of question is that?_  
"Um, because... Because you're my friend?"  
"Why am I your friend?"  
It started feeling like a pointless circle, but his eyes betrayed genuine sadness so he probably wasn't toying with you, probably.  
"... Well you... You joined my party, helped me a lot, we've had some fun times together and stuff, isn't that enough?"  
"Is that all it takes for you to call someone a friend?"  
You started really wishing Lyria, Vyrn or somebody else was here right now, you weren't the best at these kinds of situations when you were alone...  
"Well yea, kinda? I've always felt like you're a nice person."  
"Felt?"  
"Yes uh... Like a gut feeling."  
"You trust something like a gut feeling to tell you if your enemy is a nice guy?"  
Y-....Yeees?...  
"I do but, as you can see I've made a lot of friends along the way that-"  
"You mean to tell me that everybody on this ship, right now, was recruited because some imaginary voice told you that they were super good and harmless?"  
_Yyyyyeeesss..._  
"More or less..."  
"How stupid can you possibly be?"  
_Very?_  
"B-But... Well didn't it turn out okay?"  
"Did it? Really? Are you sure about that?"  
"Y...Yea, everything is fine."  
"Hm...."  
He started staring at the floor again... Then he spoke up.  
"I'm not your friend."  
"Eh? Why do you say that?..."  
"Why do I need to explain everything to you? I'm not your friend, I'm not some nice, happy go lucky idiot like your little gang, nor do I achieve to be one, I don't care about any of you really, even I'm not sure why I'm here... I should just... Leave..."  
_Is that why you always look so terribly sad? Why do you keep avoiding eye contact?_  
"No! No don't- don't leave!"  
"Huh?"  
Suddenly being faced with the scary situation that the man you love might go away, you spoke up a little bit louder than intended.  
"I... I'd be really sad if you left us..."  
"Why?"  
_There he goes again with the questions..._  
"Because..."  
Maybe that would be a good time to finally confess to him?  
"Because I..."  
Maybe?  
"I care about everyone in my crew a lot so..."  
_Ah, I messed it up again like always, it's just too hard._  
"... Heh."  
Oh he finally smiled... Smiled?  
"You care about me? You see me like one of your crew members?"  
"Well you ARE one of my crew members..."  
You cared about him much more than the rest, but you couldn't admit that.  
"Hmmm..."  
But this smile of his, it was... Off.  
"That's interesting, can you give me one solid reason on why you believe in me?"  
"Well that's... I don't know, I just always did, ever since I first met you?"  
"Oho? Then how did you feel when I didn't turn out to be quite as nice?"  
Was he trying to.... Say something?  
"What do you mean? It didn't really change anything, I was sure there was something good in you and it turned out that I was right, so isn't that enough?"  
"But did it? Did it really? Are you sure? Can you say with absolute 100% certainty that I'm a good person?"  
_Where is anyone at this point? This is giving me a headache..._  
"What are you trying to say?"  
"Just answer the question."  
"Well... Yes, I believe it."  
"Hmmm..."  
He put his index finger under his lips as if considering something.  
"Even so, you can't give me a reason for it can you?"  
"No I just... I just believe in you, is that wrong?"  
"Haha, yes, yes it is."  
Ah you remember now, you hadn't seen that smile in a long while, the last time was over a year ago, it was the last thing you saw before he made you leap through the skies...  
You started getting some seriously bad vibes here, but you couldn't just up and leave.  
"Um, why is it bad?"  
"Do I have to spell out every single thing for you? Try thinking."  
You tried considering what he was saying but you really couldn't focus, instead wondering what's been going on through his head these last few days for him to say all of these things.  
So without thinking about it too much, you reached out to hold his hand, surprisingly he didn't make an effort to pull back.  
"I don't really understand what's poisoning your mind but, you can trust me? You don't have to go through this alone, so wanna talk about it? We can discuss it over dinner or coffee or in your room if you'd like...?"  
He just looked into your eyes as if he saw a ghost.  
"W-why... Why are you being nice to me? Don't you understand a word I'm saying? You can't trust me, you can't trust anyone other than yourself, you shouldn't... Do this. Kindness is your worst enemy..."  
He pulled his hand back. You just couldn't tell if he was trying to reach out or push you away anymore.  
"But why do you say that! Sandalphon! Did something happen?"  
Ah, he was trying to avoid eye contact again.  
"Why aren't you listening to me? Leave me alone, why do you insist on being kind? What do you gain from it?"  
"I, I just can't stand seeing someone important suffer... Is it that hard to understand?"  
_Why is he making it so hard?_  
He looked back into your eyes but before that you noticed his fists trembling.  
"Important? Me? I don't get it, you're always like that, again and again and again, I could rape you right here, right now, and you'd still forgive me!"  
The way he slammed his hand on the wall sent a shiver down your spine. "Can't you see how messed up it is!?"  
_Rape...???_  
"Well I, I just..."  
"Oh... Oh God, you're not even denying it."  
"! No I, I just can't talk about, things that haven't happened..."  
"You need to get raped first before you can comment on whether you're fine with it or not? Are you serious!? Why would you ever do that? Why would you forgive somebody who violently assaulted you? Who mistreated you, who took away your human rights, who wished to scar your body and mind!?"  
"I... I..."  
_Because um...? What would be the right answer here?_  
"You know what, I don't care, do what you want, go choke on your pathetic friendship ideals if you believe in them so much! It's none of my business."  
Why... Was he suddenly angry?  
Before you could answer, he stormed off in some sort of rage fit, his words echoing in your mind, but you couldn't really understand them, eventually you sighed accepting that Sandalphon will be Sandalphon, he doesn't always make a lot of sense and he has a bad temper, so you backtracked to your room in a confused and somewhat hurt mood.

You closed the door and fell on your bed quite literally.  
"Hmmph..."  
So you turned around staring at the wooden ceiling.  
_Well that was scary, what an idiot._  
You got up and changed your tiring outfit for a night dress, definitely lighter, but it didn't manage to light up your mood as well.  
You flopped back on the bed, getting progressively more annoyed.  
_Who does he think he is anyway, sheez..._  
And so you started trying to follow the wood patterns on the ceiling while trying to come up with various derogatory names for your fellow skyfarer.  
Not too long later your stomach started aching, reminding you that you hadn't had dinner yet, so you got up and left, wondering if Sandalphon would grace everyone with his presence this time.  
...  
Of course he didn't.  
"Orchis hasn't returned my journal yet, I wonder if she still hasn't finished reading it?"  
"You write on it a lot, I'm sure it'll take her some time to go through all of it."  
Holding your head with one hand, you slowly attempted to stab the spaghetti on your plate, it wasn't an easy effort but that was kind of the point.  
"I guess you're right, I don't mind waiting but I just don't want to miss writing anything new on it you know, but we haven't arrived to our next destination yet so it should be fine."  
You were somewhat listening to the conversation going on on your left between Lyria and Katalina, you didn't fully register everything but listening to their voices was pleasant.  
_Mmm... Stab, stabbity, I guess I got worked up over nothing._  
Stab, stab, stab, stab.  
_Next time I should just slap some sense into him._  
You looked at Lyria's plate, she had created a house out of her food, the sauce was a roof and the salad leaves were windows, cute.  
"I think we still have about 5 days before we reach the next island, I bet she'd be done by then~"  
_But he looked really really sad, I think he's just overthinking depressing things like usual, I can't even begin to imagine what he's going through huh._  
You started grinding the fork against the plate, rearranging the spaghetti.  
"I can't wait til she's done and asks me some questions about it! I mean, she will right? If she doesn't I might try asking her myself instead, ah but what if she thinks it's boring?"  
_I wonder what would make his mood better? Would a cup of coffee work? But he drinks it every day either way. So I guess it doesn't work, unless that's him being happy._  
Doubt.  
"No way~ You have all sorts of fun things in there! I'm sure she won't even believe some of them."  
"Ahaha, that'd be somewhat sad, not believing me..."  
_Maybe if I buy him a new coffee maker?_  
"Hey, why aren't you eating?"  
_But doesn't he have enough money to get one if that's what he wants? Also can't you see I am eating? A bit, there and there, sorta._  
"Earth to captain~"  
Wait.  
"Huh? What is it?"  
You turned around confused, why were they suddenly talking to you? Weren't they talking about some journal entries?  
"You aren't eating anything, what's bothering you?"  
"Ah, no, you see, I was just..." You looked down on your murdered spaghetti. "... Killing? No I mean, you aren't eating either Lyria."  
"Well yes but you were just staring down on your food with a scary expression while hitting it with your fork so I was kinda worried..."  
Scary? Nah.  
"Really? Well, nothing much, you know, the usual."  
"Sandalphon?"  
_How the hell is she this perceptive? Or do I talk about him that much?... Damn it._  
"Sandalphon."  
"Haha, yeah I've been thinking of him too lately, he doesn't show himself much, I wonder why? I'm worried about his health."  
"I ran into him but I didn't really get it either, he's moping for no obvious reason."  
"Oh you met him? What did he say?"  
"Well... Stuff like..." Okay maybe you weren't supposed to say that. "Things, you know, cryptid, sad stuff."  
Lyria dropped her shoulders and let out a big sigh.  
"Hmm... Well it doesn't seem like he'll join us for dinner this time either, I don't think he's eaten anything in days, maybe he's depressed because he's hungry?"  
Shouldn't it be the other way around?  
Vyrn who had been too busy eating to talk, decided to comment on it.  
"Oh yeah this has to be it! I get really sad too when I'm hungry, it's unbearable!"  
"Um guys-"  
"Yeah and, it's probably the same with water as well, he might not be human but he's probably thirsty too?"  
"Guy-"  
"Oh true! You know that feeling when your throat is really rusty? Maybe he doesn't appear because he doesn't want anyone listening to his voice?"  
"G-"  
"Doesn't every room have a faucet in the bathroom? I bet he's drinking water."  
Ah, Katalina, gladly always the voice of logic.  
"Oh... Yes I guess you're right..."  
"True..."  
You looked confused at your disheartened friends, they were just so dorky you couldn't help but feel refreshed, yeah indeed you had nothing to worry about.  
"Well since we're on the topic..." You decided to ask their opinion after all. "What do you all think, would make Sandalphon happy?"  
All three of them stared blankly at you in silence.  
"... Coffee?"  
"Maybe coffee?"  
"Ah, how about Lucifer?"  
So a dead end.  
"Oh, maybe, coffee with Lucifer's face on it?"  
"Can anyone here do coffee art?"  
"... No."  
"I bet that would only anger him either way."  
A big dead end.  
They all stared at each other, nobody saying anything else.  
_I guess there really was not point asking them._  
"Well, don't worry about it, I'm sure he'll get over whatever's bothering him by himself."  
Then suddenly Lyria lightened up.  
"Oh, I know!"  
Everyone looked at her in amazement.  
"What? What is it?"  
"Even if he's drinking water, that doesn't change the fact that he hasn't eaten in days right? Then how about we all bring him a biiig plate full of yummy food! And coffee! Oh and, maybe if we also sing him a song, he's sure to cheer up right!?"  
_Why are you so innocent, so cute._  
Katalina however, was still the voice of hard, cold logic.  
"I sadly don't think that's going to work, he has shown multiple times that he doesn't enjoy a lot of people surrounding him, or songs, or, just company in general, wouldn't that just end up annoying him even more?"  
"Ah well... I guess so..."  
And so everyone sighed and went back to thinking.  
"You know you really don't have to think about it this hard guys..."  
You started feeling kind of bad for this whole thing becoming the focus of their conversation, at least nobody from the other tables seemed to have noticed it.  
"But you know..." Lyria seemed serious. "Sandalphon is, well, he might not show it but he does appreciate it when people are trying to approach him, even if he's sometimes cold and harsh, he has a big emptiness inside his heart, he feels so lost and alone, and needs someone close to him, somebody that cares about him, at least that's what I'm feeling when I approach him, but because he never got the chance to understand it or live something like that, it is too much for him and he pushes everyone away, so I think the best thing to do would be to take it one step at a time." She raised her fists in the air and smiled. "And that is why, the one who cares about him the most should be the one to deliver him the food!"  
Wait, how did she jump in this logic?  
"M-Me?" Confused you pointed at yourself.  
Everyone turned around to look at you smiling.  
"Well I never said it was you haha."  
_Wait ah, goddamit she's right, that's embarrassing..._  
"But I'm sure nobody cares about him more than you do, so I did actually mean you~"  
_How much does this little girl know? Then again, the only one that doesn't know by now is probably the person in question himself._  
"A-Ahah... Okay... Um..."  
"Don't be shy! I think it's beautiful!"  
"Anyway! The food, someone give me the food! And a coffee!"  
You hurried back to finishing your own food because you were kind of hungry and just didn't want to talk about it, at all. You could see Vyrn smugly side-eyeing you but tried your best to pretend that you didn't, nope.  
You watched Lyria enthusiastically fill a plate with food while humming, this person really finds enjoyment in the simplest things and it was the best mood fixer, eventually you had a disk with a plate of food and a cup of coffee right in front of you, along with 3 hopeful, sparkling pairs of eyes.  
"Okay... Fine, I guess I'll do that..."  
"Good luck!"  
"We believe in you!"  
"You can do this!"  
"I'm um... I'm just going to deliver these things okay, I'm not going to uh, I don't know, meet up with the devil or anything..."  
You took the disk on your hands, next you had to... Go to Sandalphon's room...  
"Well that's true but you know how Sandalphon gets, you might get kicked outside, literally hahahah. Should I wait there to catch you in case that happens?"  
The fact that you couldn't tell whether this was a joke or not because it did have a big probability of happening said a lot.  
"N-No, I think I'll be fine, I'll just give him this thing and um... Try to talk I guess, in case he does kick me, I should survive it, probably?"  
"That's not very convincing..."  
"I know... A-Anyway, I'll be going now."  
"Okay good luck!"  
"It's fine you can do it!"  
"Have fun!"  
_Fun... Fun with the embodiment of depression, okay._

You walked down the wooden corridors, noticing that the footsteps behind you stopped, soon enough you reached the somewhat familiar room, there was no escaping it now.  
"... Sandalphon?... I'm coming iiiin."  
For better or for worse this ship had no locks, so extending one of your hands a bit, you put it on the handle and slowly opened the door, the light from the corridors somewhat entering the apparently dark room, you sheepishly walked inside.  
He didn't greet you, or comment on your entrance whatsoever, his back facing you, it seemed that he was watching the night sky.  
"Hey uh, I brought you some spaghetti... Oh and a coffee."  
No response.  
Already feeling defeated, you walked up to his desk and set the disk on it.  
"... I'm leaving it here, so please eat up, okay?"  
You looked at him for a bit, but accepted that he doesn't want to talk to you and turned around to leave.  
"Wait."  
Oh?...  
"Yes?"  
You saw his head rotating towards you ever so slightly.  
"Come over here."  
...Oh?  
Meekly you went past the bed he was sitting on and approached him, not sure how close you were supposed to go, you kept fidgeting with the skirt of your dress.  
"Ah- Did you want me to bring you the food here? Sorry I-"  
"No, don't bother."  
"Aah..."  
Okay but then what did he call you here for?  
"Look at the sky, what do you see?"  
You looked outside his window, it was a beautiful view.  
"Hm, the stars and the moon?"  
"Perhaps so."  
Perhaps?  
"...We-"  
"I've been thinking about a lot of things."  
"... Ah?... What things?"  
"Nothing that you need to know about."  
Then why is he bringing it up?  
"Oh..."  
"The beginning of things, the meaning of something deemed worthless, our creators and... The role of a supreme primarch, what's happened these last few years, and even before that, everything that was done to me in that hellhole lab, my prison which was a different kind of hell and..."  
_I knew it, he's just been dumping bad memories upon bad memories non-stop huh..._  
"...I've been trying to make sense of everything but it all comes crashing down... It's odd, like I forget and remember repeatedly."  
"I think that if the memories are bringing you down, you shouldn't recall them at all."  
"So are you suggesting that I ignore everything that happened to me? That I pretend nothing ever happened? That all my suffering has been meaningless?"  
"N-No! It's not meaningless, I just mean that if it hurts to think about it, you should try to focus on other things instead..."  
He chuckled, a familiar smile adorning his shaded features.  
"I've been thinking of other things too."  
"Like?"  
You wondered if you were supposed to sit beside him, would it be rude?  
"Hmm... What it means to break a human being, what's considered fun, what's considered painful, how far can one go before he reaches the point of no return? I wonder... How far people can go for the things they believe in, the things they have hopes for, when do they give up and what urges them to fight on, to suffer for something they think just..."  
You could swear you heard some rather questionable things in there.  
"... Huh..."  
"What about you? Tell me, would you sacrifice yourself? For what you adore?"  
He got up and put his hands on the windowsill, gazing the outside with an unreadable expression, his fingers going back and forth on the flat surface.  
"Well I... I guess I'd rather avoid that, but I suppose, if there's no other choice?"  
"Wrong answer."  
He suddenly faced you, his cold glare freezing your very soul.  
_Why was it wrong??_  
"Um!..."  
"I've been thinking of all the possible ways I could make you weep in despair, curse the day you were born, hate the skies and your fate, truly..."  
_.... Huh???_  
You took a step back without thinking, his look didn't soften one bit.  
"I've imagined it again and again, everything is burning, charred, all these supposedly important people are dead, their limbs scattered in the dirt, and you're there in the middle of it all, crying your eyes out, it's a beautiful sight."  
_What... On earth?_  
"Uh... I... I think I'm... Going to l-"  
"I'm not done."  
It might just be the first time he's looking at you with clear disgust.  
"Did I do something to you...?"  
"Aha... Ahahah... Are you seriously asking me that now? Didn't you know? You've done many things, things... Things that I hate you for, things that I want to destroy you over."  
He withdrew his hands from the windowsill, carefully closing his fingers.  
_Where... Where is all this coming from?_  
"What are you talking about!? When did I... Listen I just, I brought-"  
"Be silent!"  
"A-Aaah..."  
You had survived through all sorts of situations, seen all sorts of things, and fought all sorts of monsters, but Sandalphon's shouting voice somehow didn't ever cease being outright terrifying, not as much because it sounded scary, but more because he was yelling at you.  
"I tried thinking... What would the little princess hate the most? Hm? Well to be honest, I never did reach a conclusion, so I considered doing it, if I tried every single one of them, I'd find out what you hate the most, it's not a bad idea huh? But I do wonder if the ends justify the means? Maybe it's not really worth it, but I really do want to see you break down, is it wrong? Is there something wrong with me? I can't stop thinking about you lately... Thinking of you being defiled, broken, begging me for mercy, trembling under my arms, wishing that you had never met me, that you were never born..."  
_I think... I think he just..._  
"If I had to be perfectly honest..."  
_Crossed..._  
"It's really turning me on."  
_The line._  
You quickly stepped back to run away, your very blood feeling frozen, but instead of escaping you felt a frightening pain on both of your wrists, you looked at the hands that were violently keeping them in place, feeling as if they would crush them any moment now.  
"S-Sandalphon!-"  
"What were you thinking, coming to me yourself? Are you an idiot or are you a fool? I thought I was, very clear on my warning..."  
He forcefully threw you down on the mattress never letting go of your wrists, falling on top of you himself.  
"I- I just wanted to- bring you-..."  
"I've been coming outside of your room every night, I've been using every last inch of my strength to not go in, I would just leave again and again, praying that you won't go in or out, that I won't see you, I tried so hard to avoid you, yet you come to me yourself? This is hilarious, heheh, so hilarious, so ironic, this is great..."  
You stared at him in horror, his face disturbingly similar to that of Belial, he let go of your right wrist to scratch your entire arm, marking it slowly.  
_He did what???_  
"Sandalphon I want to leave..."  
Maybe logic would work?  
"Hm? Leave? But I haven't even started yet, my "dear", so be a little more patient, okay?"  
He gently petted your hair, faking affection.  
"Let me go."  
As much as you tried to not stutter, your voice was coming out much more high pitched than intended, and so, so silent.  
"What? Why? Did you not like that?"  
He guided his hand back on your marked arm, digging his nails in as much as possible and unsurprisingly drawing out blood.  
"A-AH-"  
And it was very, very painful.  
"Mhm yes, that's what I like to hear, scream for me a bit more, scream my name in pain, nobody ever comes here anyway, nobody's going to hear you, so you don't have to hold back, these sounds, I've been looking forward to them so so much."  
At this point you weren't sure what scared you more, the pain and the upcoming, terrible scenarios, or his flushed, heavily breathing face that betrayed all of his bad intentions?  
Both were completely frightening and you had to get out of there, now.  
You tried pushing him away with your free arm but there was no point, he was much stronger than you, even if you were to somehow get away he was still faster and could just catch you again, and he was surely aware of that as he decided to let go of your left wrist as well, would punching him help your situation, or make it worse? Either way you were too unnerved to give it a try.  
He used his hands to raise his body and just looked down on you without doing or saying anything, was he thinking of his next move?  
"... Why are you doing this?"  
"Hey... Tell me one thing, do you hate me?"  
_Huh? At least answer first before asking a question._  
"No I... I don't."  
"Why?"  
This felt vaguelly familiar but you weren't sure anymore. The freezing fear made you unable to process things properly, what did he ask, again?  
"Let me go..."  
"I see."  
He used his right hand to drag his fingertips across your cheek, all the way down til the dress blocked his motion, it probably didn't take a long time but it felt like an eternity, what if he decided to stab you with his nails again? It didn't feel like your heart could take it anymore.  
You both stared at each other's eyes for a while.  
He pulled back and took a good look of your position, his weight on your legs increasing, you could swear you felt something that you were not supposed to.  
He seemed calmer now, was he having second thoughts? As you thought that, you saw him undo his belts, eventually setting them aside.  
_Ahaha... No... Hell no..._  
"A-Ah... Please let me go... Please." You grabbed the sheets in fear, what could you do? What could you say that'd make him change his mind? "It's okay, I, if you stop now I'll pretend this never happened, just let me go..."  
He gave you a sad smile, but chose to say nothing and proceed to pull down his pants.  
"Wait, wait! Sandalphon! Listen to me! P-Please don't- I, what do you want me t-to do? I don't know, I don't know! Am I supposed to apologize for something bad I did or say to you? I'm sorry! I'm really sorry you said- you said that I did something right? I don't know what it is but, I'm sorry! You don't have to do this..."  
He calmly listened to you talking, a sly smile on his face, still he chose to say nothing as he shifted his weight, carefully removing your bare legs from under him.  
"S-Stop it, aah, don't- please don't... I'm sorry!"  
You didn't know what else to say to him and tears were starting to form in the corners of your eyes, what motivated him so? You thought that he liked you, even just a little bit, that you had formed a small bond, that you had started to understand the way he thinks, but as he crept his hand under the skirt of your dress to clutch the edge of your underwear, as he pulled on it hard enough to rip it apart -and that was painful- you realized that you couldn't even begin to comprehend what's going on inside his head, there was no point in even wondering about it, you'd never understand him, perhaps because he was inhuman? Was that all there was to it? That he was a beast? A beast... No that's not right.  
You couldn't see very well anymore thanks to the forming tears and the darkness of the room, he was positioning your legs around him, you could feel it, you could feel his cold hands on your thighs and it was a terrifying feeling, the cold of his hands, the cold that you felt from the skirt having been lifted up and the panties gone, cold, everything was so cold, but nothing was colder than the pain inside your heart, the pain of being used, the pain of being betrayed, betrayed by the very person you adored like nothing else.  
Something sounded familiar about that...  
"Ah- A-Ah- st...stop..."  
You felt a dull pain somewhere down below, but you couldn't focus on it, you were trying to think of so many things at the same time, at least that's what was supposed to happen but it didn't stay simply dull for very long.  
"Aaaaah!!-"  
But it hurt so, so much? He hurt so much? Why was he making you hurt so much? A pain as if your very body is being split in two, was such a sensation supposed to be pleasant? The sudden pain made the tears finally flow down your face which in turn made your vision come back, the first thing you saw was an angel looking down on you with an amused smile that was clearly feeding on your gasps and tears.  
"Aha, mmmh, yeah, I like it, I could get addicted to this. Hey, yell a little more will you? I told you there's no need to hold back."  
It was an awful feeling, the feeling of a foreign object forcing itself where it shouldn't be, awful, awful, disgusting, it made your belly churn.  
You really had no words to say anymore, so you just stared at his dark figure, the way he bent over you, the way half of you legs were resting on half of his own, there was something enchanting about it, it almost made you feel better.  
That was before you felt your insides burning and screaming in pain from being quite literally crashed against.  
"A-AHhh!!!" More tears flowed out.  
"I told you!"  
Slam.  
"Agh!"  
"To!"  
Slam.  
"Aa- Ah-"  
"Yell!"  
Each and every thurst felt as if you were being ripped apart. What did you even do to deserve this pain?  
"It hurts! It- Hurts, stop!"  
"Oh? Really? Does it hurt? But I haven't even done anything~"  
You almost chocked on your gasps, but somewhere in between these yells you remembered something, that thing he said, that nobody comes here, that nobody's going to hear you... That wasn't entirely true, there was a chance, a small chance... That Lyria might be there... That she might come here... She knew you were there, Vyrn and Katalina did, too, what if they are waiting for you to come out? What if they hear something and come in? Even if they are not out there right now, they might come by later. That wasn't good... Not good at all... He didn't know about it, but you did, and you couldn't risk it, you couldn't risk being heard, being found in such a position, not for their own good, and not for yours, and not for Sandalphon's, either... Aaah alright. You just had to survive this silently for a little while right? How much worse could it get?  
".... Ghhh..."  
You tried to adjust yourself a bit, maybe if you just accepted your situation, it'd hurt less.  
"What's this? Aren't you going to let out any more of these sweet sounds? You still have enough will power to defy me? Hmmm, well that's fine, this forced, resisting face is cute, too, I guess it'll be even more rewarding when I break it again hahah."  
His hand on your cheek, you hated it, you hated what little warmth it gave you, you hated how even just a tiny bit it made you feel happy, how even under these cursed circumstances, your feelings for him hadn't even as much as wavered, and it was so obvious by something as simple as feeling his clothed palm, even when it's clearly mocking you.  
He grabbed the neckline of the dress, examining it for a bit, then he started pulling it downwards, you could hear some threads snapping, he pulled it just enough to expose your shoulder and a part of your breasts, then looked at them in confusion of what to do next. Too lost and hurt to get properly embarrassed, you were more bothered by the sudden cold you felt due to the fabric getting removed, that changed when he hesitantly put his other hand on it.  
And it was so warm.  
When did his temperature change from cold to hot? You decided that it didn't matter.  
A new tear made its way down your face, not because you were in pain, instead the opposite, because just him gently touching your chest felt so nice and it absolutely had no right to, not right here, not right now, but there was nothing you could do about it, it was the sweetest, most beautiful thing you had felt in ages and you hated so much that you had to feel it like this.  
It's not that you didn't want to make love with Sandalphon, you'd lie if you said that you never, not once thought about it, but not like this not like this. There was something so fundamentally wrong with this you couldn't even begin to describe it, everything about this was wrong, wrong, wrong, wasn't there any primal beast that could turn back time? But even if you somehow made it, what would you change? What could you possibly change? His twisted, corrupted feelings? That was impossible.  
You noticed him being lost in thought, unmoving, his features troubled.  
"Singularity..."  
Why did he sound sad now of all times?  
"... Yes?"  
"Do you think that I... Am a bad person?"  
_Huh?_  
"Huh? Um... If you ask me that now... What can I possibly say?"  
"It's alright, you can say it to my face, tell me that I'm a bad person."  
_But if you word it like that, it sounds like a request._  
"I don't... Well... No."  
"...No?"  
"I don't really think so."  
"You don't think what!?"  
Ah... There he goes shouting again...  
"I don't think that you're bad, exactly, well I mean... Maybe a bit but..."  
Even you were surprised by your own words by this point, they were however honest.  
"But what!?"  
Why was he shaking your shoulders over it?  
"But I told you, I think you're good deep inside... Maybe a bit too deep?"  
He let your shoulders drop and sat back, looking down on you in actual shock, it didn't take him too long to start giggling, chuckling then laughing.  
"Hah, hahahah. What? How can you say that? Are you serious!? Fuhahaha, that's hilarious, you're so hilarious I might just die from laughing, hey is this a joke? Are you messing with me!? I can't tell by this point, you can say it, say it, tell me how much you hate me!"  
Why was he having a fit over this of all things? Ah but that too sounded familiar...  
"Sandalphon..."  
You could feel your insides convulsing in confusion, unsure of whether they should return to their original form or not now that they had been neglected. An odd, gross feeling.  
"Fine... Fine, I get it, so that's the way you want it. I guess you're right, I've been too nice to you so far huh? But I won't rest til you're crying on your own blood, ah it's a shame, if only I could roll you in the mud as well, I need to make you feel pitiful, if I can't even do that, then what am I even good for?"  
_Seems I answered wrong again..._  
Did you just dig your own grave?  
He bent and repositioned himself, you closed your eyes preparing to get violently shoved on again, but immediately opened them back in sudden fear of not being able to see what this warped man might do next.  
Soon you found out that the pain wasn't getting better but at the very least wasn't worsening, it was bearable, and every time you almost instinctively hardened your body trying to push him out you just earned a soft groan, a sign that he enjoyed it, so you tried to cease the effort, it was pointlessly exhausting.  
It didn't take him long coming up with an idea, he took a hold of your jaw putting his thumb in your mouth, right under your tongue.  
"Hmm, that's not a bad look either, try speaking."  
"...Uhh."  
"I said speak, why don't you also sing a song while at it? Come on, sing me something~"  
You sure didn't want to.  
The way he pushed his thumb against your tongue was mildly painful but you weren't sure if he was doing it purposefully or not.  
"i uif... ghhg, ha..."  
"What's that? I can't understand you, try harder."  
He started pulling the jaw down, so that you couldn't move it at all, nor bite his finger.  
"Aaau... Aee..."  
_This is just silly..._  
"... Okay how about this then? For as long as you don't sing me a song, I'm going to pull this little thing here further down, you better listen to me if you don't want it accidentally getting ripped off hm?"  
_There is no way he's actually serious... Right?_  
He put his other hand on top of your forehead making you unable to bend your head.  
"Aaaa, auuu..."  
Was there any point in attempting to speak?  
"Is this your idea of a melody? Monkeys sound better than you do."  
His hold was indeed becoming increasingly painful.  
What did he even want, humming? You couldn't come up with anything right now.  
But then the sides of your head started to seriously hurt, more and more. You grabbed his hand trying to stop it but it had next to no effect.  
"Aaa! Ii- uei, ey!"  
"Are you too dumb to understand me or are you tone deaf? Come on, sing!"  
It started feeling as if the teeth right under his hand were going to fall apart, and every point where the jaw connected to your head was sending you alarm signals.  
Amidst this pointless charade, you started loudly humming every random sound possible.  
"Wwe~ Iiiiyy! Aew ww! Www, aea~ Awawogh~"  
Everything was preferred over getting mutilated.  
"... Fine, whatever, this is boring."  
He took his hand away, you felt ridiculous, your body up and down was in pain, but at least you were still in one piece, you put your hands over your aching jaw as if that'd help it connect better.  
He lowered his head and gave the place under your collarbone a bite.  
You gasped, it was kind of painful.  
He looked at it and then your reaction for a bit, then pushed your head aside to expose the side of your neck, he opened his mouth and approached, coming in contact with it, it almost felt nice, right before he bit down on it with what felt like his full strength.  
"Yaagh! Ah... Ahhh..."  
And he did it again right below.  
And again.  
He did it again and again til he was sure that the entire area was pulsing in pain. You couldn't tell if the liquid you felt was his own saliva or your blood and it was frightening, what if he chopped off a piece? It was hurting too much to tell. He raised back up licking his lips and admired his work along with your pained, weeping expression.  
"Hahah, I made you yell again."  
You stared at him, were you supposed to respond to this?  
"Hey don't be like that, here, say something."  
He made his hand "walk" up to your mouth which absolutely had to be bad news.  
"Why are you doing this?"  
"Huh, are you still asking me that? There ain't no reason for this."  
_This has to be a lie._  
"Nevermind that, how's your jaw? Does it feel any better?"  
He then shoved three fingers inside your mouth without a care in the world.  
"Mhghh!"  
"Is that a yes? God, your chocking face is irresistible."  
It didn't seem as if he had any intention to do something with them, it somewhat felt as if he was scratching your tongue which was probably unintentional, but not painful just weird at worst, but your mouth being kept open this way after what happened before was not fun at all, his hips hadn't stopped moving either, all of this together was rather nauseous.  
"Hhgh! Mnngh."  
"You see, there's only one thing that I'm good at and that's tearing things apart... This body, this power, if there was anything in me that could pass as a purpose, that would be to destroy, I'm barely anything more than a weapon, that's the only thing that I know of, destruction..."  
Is that why he's breaking your heart?  
"mghm mho thwu egh awmh..."  
_That's not true at all..._  
"And that is why I want to destroy you as well, haha, isn't it funny? I wished for a person, just one person to care for me, and now that I got this person I'm trying to break it, because that's the only thing I know how to do, isn't it funny? Aren't I the funniest clown? I... I just don't know, I don't know how to do anything else, I don't understand how I'm supposed to do anything else, all these years, all of these hundreds and hundreds of years that's all I've been thinking, how to kill, how to break, how to tear apart, this, that, everything, I wanted to kill everything and now... I just..."  
He pulled back, looking down in what seemed like a tranced state.  
"I feel empty, it's as if I've been stripped of what made me me, I don't know what to do, I have nothing to do, the little purpose I gave myself was taken from me, and that's all your fault, if you hadn't been there, if you had just stayed dead... No, that was already too late, you should have died before I even met you, why were you born? To take away my one reason to be? I hate it, I hate everything about this, I hate you, I hate... Because you wanted to give me a different purpose but it was already too late, you're 2000 years too late..."  
"Sandalphon..."  
"Everything's been taken from me..."  
"That's wrong."  
You were still here, why was he unable to see you?  
"I don't know how to love, how to care for anything, I don't understand this way of living. Ever since I was created I was fated to suffer, hate the world and be hated by it."  
"But you already love..."  
His love for Lucifer is genuine, why was he unable to see this, too?  
He finally raised his head to look at you.  
"What are you saying? What do you even know about me? Why do you talk as if you do? You don't know, you don't know what I've been through!"  
"And that's why I kept telling you, if you needed to talk, you could talk to me!"  
For a split moment before his expression morphed to something positively terrifying, he seemed surprised.  
"Shut your trap! Just shut it! Drop dead already! This is all your... No... Whatever, I don't care, I'm probably just your toy anyway, hey do you think this is fun? Do you feel better about yourself pretending to care about your enemy? Forgiving those that hurt you? Do you feel all high and mighty? Holier-than-thou? Does it make you sleep better at night knowing you've pitied and gathered all the worthless garbage off the side of the road? I don't even sleep! All I see is nightmares!"  
"Sandalphon I-"  
He suddenly leaped forward, grabbing your neck and squeezing it tightly, resuming his stopped aggressive motions.  
"Whatever, just die! It'd be so funny if you died now, the great singularity, the one chosen to save everything, raped and chocked to death, thrown away liked used up trash!"  
You tried to talk but your throat could barely make a sound.  
"A---h-- San..."  
"I can't wait to see the faces of all of your friends when they find your useless, soulless corpse!"  
You put your hands on his wrists, anxiously trying to free your strained neck but...  
"Dal..ph..."  
"And what's going to happen to the world if you die? Everything can go to hell, see if I care! The world had always been hell to me anyway, nothing lost, nothing gained!"  
"on- I..."  
It hurt, it hurt, your brain couldn't take much more of it, his voice was starting to fade.  
"If you die, if you die I... I'm going to be alone again, I'll lose any remaining reason I have to exist, so why?..."  
"m so..."  
You could vaguelly see his agonizing face blur into nothingless, then you arms fell down.  
"I don't understand any of this! I don't even know what I'm doing! It's like there's a voice inside my head and it tells me to harm you, to harm myself, to............"  
...  
Darkness.

"not worth it"

pain

"I want to see"

pain  
"are you really"

You suddenly gasped, trying to breathe, it was so painful, your throat was so painful, everything was so painful and you could barely take any air in.  
"...Oh? You're still alive? Glad you made it, necrophilia didn't feel quite as pleasant as I expected it would, what a bummer."  
Your head felt as if it was on fire and you could barely register his words, breathing heavily you looked in front of you though you didn't need to, he was still over you, still trying to have his way with your nearly murdered body.  
"I... What... San-cough... Aa..h..."  
You could barely breathe, much less talk, even thinking was painful.  
This was too much, this was just too much, was he really worth all this?  
"I weighted down the options, was murdering you worth it or not? Eventually I realized that I wanted to see what would happen if you made it, more, so I let you go, aren't you grateful that I'm such a compassionate friend? Aren't I the best?"  
"... Please..... Stop.... I hate..."  
"Oh?"  
"I hate this... Please... Let me... Sniff... Let me, let me go..."  
You started sobbing, barely at first, but it quickly started getting out of hand, you were letting it all out, the anger, the pain, the despair, the confusion, the sobs were straining your neck and made you hurt more, which in turn made you cry even more, creating a circle.  
"... Why? Why are you doing this? I don't, get it, why? *sob* All I ever did was, try to help you, tried to make you, feel accepted, and, I *sob* I've only ever cared abou-"  
"Oh shut up!"  
He slapped you across the face. His own seeming to be in fear.  
"... Why? Why!-"  
He did it again, this time from the other side, making your sobbing stop.  
"Don't you dare lie to me! You... All you do is lie... From the very beginning you kept telling me lies after lies, that I'm important, that I'm welcomed, that you liked being by my side, I don't get it, you kept bothering me, talking to me, bringing me things, for what reason? Why do you keep playing with my feelings like that!? I know that I'm meaningless but... Is that all there is to it? Do you enjoy making fun of me so much? Giving me a false-"  
"Sandalphon please snap out of it! You've got it all wrong! I never once told you a single lie!"  
It hurt, it hurt, but it didn't matter anymore...  
"Ugh, quit it!"  
And he slapped you again, and again, eventually this wasn't enough so he closed his fingers into a ball, letting out incoherent cries he kept on hitting you til your cheeks turned numb and blood started running from your mouth, at some point you stopped responding or paying attention to anything at all, zoning out.  
He was panting, his own hand pained from hitting you so many times, his own throat tired from yelling so many things that you didn't even hear, he slowly started getting back to his senses.  
"Hey... Are you still alive?"  
He tried smacking you but then realized that's exactly what he's been doing so far, then he tried moving your shoulders but you didn't respond, so he tried to check for pulse on your neck but seeing the darkening chocking marks he backed off.  
"Huh... Did I do this? Hey, Singularity... Answer me!"  
_... Eh?_  
You moved your head a bit to look at him, he looked horrified for some reason, but seemed to relax a bit when he saw you move.  
"What?..."  
Sigh, even talking was painful now.  
"Ah, aah... I see that you're still alive, good."  
You had neither the energy nor the words to comment on this.  
"......"  
"... Let me ask you one final time."  
Somehow you could guess what it was.  
"Do you hate me?"  
_Right on the mark huh..._  
You didn't want to voice anything else, there was one thing however that wasn't in pain and that was your unscratched arm, so you raised it, and ever so slightly touched his cheek, it was just the first thing you thought of.  
"I see... Hahah... Heheheheh... Heheh..."  
He didn't seem one bit happy despite his laugh.  
Ah but even so, he had such a beautiful laugh...  
For a moment there you thought he might have regained his reason, but feeling his hands on your thighs again, feeling him going inside you yet again, you realized what an idiotic thought that was, ah but... It didn't hurt anymore, seems you got used to it.  
And because it didn't hurt, it felt somewhat nice, not that this meant anything in front of the throbbing pain that was coming from the rest of your body, especially the head.  
"Listen I... I know that I'm being unreasonable, I know that I've done things that should never be forgiven..."  
He looked back and forth between your eyes and nothingness, trying to confirm that you were listening to what he was saying.  
"But that is exactly why... Why I've been torturing myself so much, I don't deserve to be happy, I don't deserve a good ending, I don't deserve to be accepted, even though I want to, even so I..."  
You felt his hands gripping on the sheets by your side.  
"Is it this hard to understand? Maybe it is, they haunt me, they all haunt me, all these bad memories, but that's not a bad thing, I deserve it, but it's not enough, it's not nearly enough, I need more, I need to be punished, I hate this, I hate this so much..."  
A low sobbing sound escaped him.  
"Even though all I ever wanted was... Acceptance, a place to belong, that's all I ever fought for, why did I have to fight for something others got freely? Why did I have to get punished for trying to be happy!? In a place like that... But it doesn't matter anymore, I understand, I deserved it... But, I need more, after all every action that I take is evil, even if life forgives me I take away my own rights for happiness all over again... Why do I do that? I don't know... I don't want any of this! I hate it, I hate me, I hate..."  
It was the first time that you saw tears coming out of his eyes.  
"But I can't live on with the guilt, don't you understand it? I need to be punished I need it! If you just let me roam free, then how am I supposed to feel? I can't take it, after everything I've done to you I can't take it, I need you to hate me, I need it, I crave it, every time I see you smile at me it feels as if someone is tearing apart my heart, I don't deserve this, I don't deserve you, so please..."  
And so he cried on, the way he pushed himself inside your body had completely changed, though you couldn't tell what it was that changed, but it was so gentle, so tender it brought you a new emotion, one that had no place here right now.  
"Please... Hate me! Hate me! Hate me! If you can't do that no matter what then I... What am I supposed to do! Punish me! I want you to punish me! Ah... Aah..."  
His uncontrollable sobbing completely broke down his voice so he gave up, having said all that he wanted to let out for so long he simply gave up on talking. Not being able to hold himself up anymore he collapsed, burying his weeping face in your chest.  
His words stung but what could you do? No matter how much he wanted it you just couldn't bring yourself to hate him, you carefully put your hand on his hair, stroking it slowly.  
"There there..."  
This was somewhat ironic but ultimately you didn't care all that much, you loved him and that was the most important thing right now, even if he hates you, even if he's trying to kill you, even if he hits you when you're the one crying... It didn't matter all that much, as long as you did what you felt like doing, and now that was comforting him, aah you loved him so much... The slow way he was grinding against you made you love him so much...  
"...I don't deserve any of this... So why?"  
"Hmm... Because you're important to me."  
"... Why?"  
"...Sigh... Do I really need a reason to love you? Can't you just accept it as is?"  
"To... Love... Ah... Ahh..."  
You felt his entire body tremble, he grabbed and tugged at the sheets as if that could make him stop feeling so miserable.  
You wanted to tell him that it was okay, but was it really? There were so many voices inside your head that told you that it wasn't okay at all, it was hard putting it into words.  
So instead you put your arms around him without saying a word.  
So what? Was this whole thing just him trying to make you hate him?  
But doesn't that mean that he now has even more reasons to hate himself?  
Is that why he's crying?  
"Do you really believe that everything I've said so far is a lie?"  
"I... I don't know... I keep trying to believe you but it's just so hard, and the more I think about it the more I convince myself that you're lying, because it sounds too good to be true, because I can't accept that someone this kind exists, because it's easier to believe in the bad in others..."  
The way he moved his mouth against your skin should probably not feel this pleasant.  
Almost subconsciously you put pressure on your arms trying to embrace him tighter.  
"I see."  
If he hasn't been convinced so far, then nothing you'd say now could convince him.  
Even so, he made sense, being somebody that had never once be shown kindness, it would obviously be hard, if not impossible, to understand it, much less believe it.  
"I thought that I could expose you, make you admit to the ugliness inside your heart."  
_He doesn't even begin to get it huh..._  
"But I don't have anything to admit to, then what should I do?"  
"You were supposed to hate me, to punish me for my sins, I can't think of anything else."  
"I could never do that but I think... There is nothing that can hurt you more than the pain you cause to yourself."  
"Yeah, perhaps you're right."  
He had stopped moving again, ah but how were you supposed to tell him to keep going? Think, think, hell he couldn't stop now, not after everything you went through.  
You caressed his neck and back gently while somewhat moving your legs back and forth, maybe, maybe if you kept pressing against him he'd get it.  
It didn't take too long before you heard a soft sound unlike crying come out.  
After a few moments he raised his body back up to show you a confused look, his eyes even darker and visibly exhausted from crying, face a wet mess, ah... How cute.  
He stared right at you and you stared back at him, what should you say? You couldn't come up with any words, instead circling your legs behind him.  
It seemed that he couldn't come up with any words either, still confused he bent forward while trying to make sense of your own changing expression.  
When did it change? How did it change? This pain that you could swear ripped you apart before, why did it make you see stars now? You couldn't even recall the pain anymore.  
Pain? Weren't you in a lot of pain before? Where did it go? It felt like a distant dream.  
How odd, how odd, how odd, you couldn't even think anymore, you couldn't even see anymore, everything was blending together, the hand that brushed the blood off your face, the tender moans that you couldn't quite specify where they were coming from, you were somewhat aware that you were hugging something.  
Something?  
Something that made you feel so extremely nice, something?  
You kept on looking at nothingness, your head feeling as if it had been replaced by clouds. There was a lot of white, white, everything was white, you weren't sure whether or not this took a minute, or an hour, or more, perhaps less, nor could you really tell if the spasming you felt was your own, all you knew was that your entire being kept on getting filled with white, white, happiness, white, ecstasy, white.  
White.  
_Huh? What just happened?_  
Puzzled you looked in front of you, Sandalphon was there, why was he panting so much? Your head was so lost yet so clear as if you had just woken up, everything was kind of cold, why? Why were your clothes so messy? As painful memories started coming back, the gloomy angel fell on top of you again.  
You remembered now, and wished you hadn't remembered, what... What should you do? What was going to happen now? The pain was starting to come back too, what were you even thinking just moments ago? Ah, this was such a mess, a mess but... But nobody came in, right? Did you make it, then? Lyria... Doesn't know, good, that's good... Then... What now? You looked down at the person on top of your own, overcome with a desire to throw him as far away as possible, what was he doing? Did he intend to sleep right there? While considering what to do with him, you felt a liquid come in contact with your skin, he was crying again.  
"How weird..." Unhurriedly he got up and sat normally. "For a moment there I felt really nice, but now I feel awful."  
_I can relate to that._  
You took this chance to gather yourself as well, strained from being in the same position for this long, everything felt so filthy both physically and mentally, especially the foreign fluid that was eerily moving downwards, ready to exit your body any minute now.  
You adjusted the damaged dress to finally cover yourself, not that it really meant anything by now but it felt just barely better.  
So what? What were you supposed to do now? Tell him something? But what? Just walk away?... Maybe, maybe that's the best option.  
As you put your feet on the cold floor, you weren't surprised to hear him calling you.  
"Singularity..."  
You looked back at him, not bothering to respond.  
"Perhaps you did not notice it, but back then for just a little while, you smiled at me."  
"...?"  
_Back then? Ah does he mean......._  
"Would I expect too much, if I wanted you to smile at me again?"  
Out of all the things he could possibly say, how did he come up with these?  
"I don't know."  
You did know, and the answer is yes, because the world will come to an end before you harbor any ill feelings for him of all people, but you sure didn't feel like smiling now.  
"Hm... I suppose this too is a form of punishment, then."  
"Are you happy now?"  
"Hahah, no, not one bit."  
_If you're going to screw up somebody like that, at least enjoy it, idiot..._  
"Okay..."  
You turned around and went for the door, the cool floor reminding you that you likely left your slippers on the other side of the bed, but you couldn't care enough to go get them.  
"Ah, Singularity..."  
_Singularity this, Singularity that, just, let me go rest._  
"What?"  
"I don't want to apologize to you, I think it'd be too selfish of me to apologize after everything I did but..."  
"... But?"  
"You're... No, nevermind, forget I said anything."  
...  
"Is that all? Can I leave now?"  
"Yes... See you around, captain."  
_"See you" huh, he knows it better than anyone, that nothing is going to change._  
"See you... Ah, don't forget to eat your food."  
_I brought it all the way here, don't let it go bad..._  
At that last moment... Why did he look so shocked? Whatever, you were too tired to deal with this anymore so you closed the door and finally, finally left.  
Bad end?

**Author's Note:**

> If you saw any mistakes or think that I should adjust the tags, please let me know!  
> I really wasn't sure whether I should mark it as explicit or not...  
> Well then, I put a lot of effort (and anxiety) into this so thank you very much for reading, please drop me a comment? :3


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